I’ve been trying to get organised, map out a new path. I’ve been making lists and plans, it’s helpful getting it all written down. Changes that I need to make. I finally think some people have stopped reading my blog , they never took up my offer to ask whatever it was that they wanted…

Hey Trouble, Here we are , in October already, soon it will be two and half years since you passed away. Still it feels so unbelievable, it sounds like a long time, but I remember it like it was yesterday. Seeing your name come up , knowing from my experience on ED that it was…

Well Handsome, The day is starting to set on your 49th Birthday, the third one you’ve missed. Put in those terms it seems like you’ve been gone for such a very long time. You’re missed every single day without exception,  always reminders of you popping up. I’ve raised a glass (well a few) to you…

Been thinking about lots of stuff lately. Last week I saw my dream home, a real forever home ,whatever forever is. It was always one of my goals. Now I’m not sure I could leave where I am and all the memories it holds. I feel so unsettled, life feels uncertain and scary right now.…

Well, I hit 5-0 last weekend, it was very low key. Just went for lunch at the pub with John, one of my sisters and my mum. It’ll be your birthday soon , your 49th. It’s mad to think when we first started I was 35 and you were 34 , it feels like a…

Hey Nige, So it was Tramlines this weekend just gone, it was nice to get out and about. It was bittersweet as it does make me think of you. It’s another missing piece. After not letting my picture be taken for so long, these past couple of years I’ve changed that. Life is too short,…

Hey, I’ve been doing so much soul searching,  I think the last few counselling sessions have really brought lots of thing’s to the surface. You know me, I can’t lie to myself, my great nan always said that it’s better to be hurt by the truth than be made happy with a lie. I remember…

Hi Trouble , you know yesterday I really wasn’t trying to be hurtful about you. It’s just emotions rearing their heads , the way you said you could talk to me , well this is my version of that. You were bloody hard work sometimes you know. In a way I’m glad that you felt…

So , here I am to unburden myself, it isn’t about disrespecting you , I need to get things off my chest for myself. Sometimes I do wish I’d not become caught in your web. I was drawn in by your charm and your lies , and by the time all became clear I’d fallen…

I can’t believe we’re already in July. I’m treading water with my diet at the moment,  not gaining,  not losing , just staying the same. It’s my birthday in a month and while I’m planning to take myself off and do a few things , it will be very low key. Treating myself at the…