Hello Sweet, Today has been one hell of a week. Still working on things around you and I that I need to address , it’s difficult. So many secrets that mess with my head. In addition to that I’ve decided right now would be an excellent time to give both the diet and vaping another…

Alright, I’ve been thinking about things a lot, I read the messages I had from your son the other day. I know I shouldn’t go over those things but sometimes going back over all the shit is like a scab you can’t stop picking. There are bits that still annoy me, a lot of what…

Hi Nige, So, the last few days have been a bit angry. My initial reaction was to blog , however it would never be a good thing in that frame of mind. It probably would have all been blurted out , and while I know there are things I need to address I also know…

Alright Nige , Here we are,  almost at the end of March already. Trying super hard to eat well,  you’d have started in my ear with your usual, “you’re not going to lose anymore weight are you ” and “don’t lose anymore weight” .  I remember your words sometimes when I lose a bit of…

A wobbly day indoors today. I’m not sure having time on my hands is very good for me , too much time to think. Too much time to remember and get upset. Time is whizzing by in some respects, it is absolutely mad to think all this time has gone by without Nige. Nigel’s death…

Evening , So Nige, I’ve been trying to formulate a plan to improve every aspect of my life. There are so many changes I need to make and tasks I need to do , I’ve decided to break it right down into stages. Hopefully I’ll reach a point when everything feels a little more together…

Hi Nige , just a quickie. Next week it will be 14 years since our first date. I wish I could go back and fall for you all over again and feel the happiness you brought. I’d even do the shit bits again just to have you still here. I need a hug. I’m gonna…

Hello, it’s been a while,  but it’s been a full on few weeks. The month began with another biopsy ,and was followed by being told I have PTSD. I haven’t forgotten about you though, I never could , you’re always in my thoughts. It’s Saturday night and even now I still think at this time…

Hey, very weepy day today, tomorrow it will be 20 months since the accident,  and in a few short days a brand new year will begin. I feel really frightened today, some days are like that , scared that nothing will ever feel alright again. Scared that I’ll never have the feeling that everything will…

Evening Nige . Happy Christmas Handsome. I’m sorry I didn’t write earlier,  i’ve been  asleep in bed much of the day. It’s that time of the year that really makes you think isn’t it ? I hope if there is anything after you feel peaceful and happy. Sometimes though I wish I could ask you…