Hey, very weepy day today, tomorrow it will be 20 months since the accident,  and in a few short days a brand new year will begin. I feel really frightened today, some days are like that , scared that nothing will ever feel alright again. Scared that I’ll never have the feeling that everything will…

Evening Nige . Happy Christmas Handsome. I’m sorry I didn’t write earlier,  i’ve been  asleep in bed much of the day. It’s that time of the year that really makes you think isn’t it ? I hope if there is anything after you feel peaceful and happy. Sometimes though I wish I could ask you…

Hi Nige , I can’t believe it’s almost Christmas,  it doesn’t feel like it at all. I’m channelling Rudolph though , I’ve copped for flu 🤧 . The aim at the moment is to try and relax , I spoke to someone  I know , and they think that the episodes of facial paralysis I’ve…

December already, how the hell has it come around so quick Nige ? It’s crazy to think this will be the second Christmas without you around. It makes me want to cry. The last few days I’ve just been holed up indoors , reading some cosy little books that don’t require too much thinking. One…

Hi Nige, why do I torment myself reading the news articles  about you that are  still online ? It’s so unreal that I think I need to do it sometimes to prove to myself that you’re  really gone. Really , really feeling it today,  I miss you so bloody much. Been listening to your voice…

Morning,  up at 5:30am and had the best bit of sleep I’ve had in a while , completely down to the alcohol and my medication I’m sure. I’ll take the little wins wherever I can. Going to have a little clear out later , so much stuff I don’t need anymore. Also I must try…

Well big bear, I’m a bit pissed,  I needed to smooth out the edges a little bit. I’ve been allowing myself little daydreams lately, been thinking about my forever home. Of course you would have been here to see it , to spend time in it with me. Don’t get me wrong I know we…

Today marks 18 months of no you, 18 months of tears and sleepless nights. 18 months of disbelief and grief. 18 months of futile wishes and what if’s. 18 months of missing you. Life is scary and uncertain,  it’s nice to think you have an ally , to create those moments of calm, of bliss.…

Hey, so I’m sorry but I need to talk about the last couple of years of you. Things that hurt to think about but I can’t forget. When you turned up at my door after the big blow out that I really believed was the end of us for good. You told me things that…

Hi big bear, today has just been a bit of a lazy one. I did have a couple of hours of being kind of productive with regards to taking steps to a new career. I really should get sorted out in that respect. Sometimes I do think does any of it really matter, my dream…