Alright , so Tuesday made it 18 months ago since the wheels started to fall off, and a week on Monday will be 18 months since you left. Eighteen months already and yet sometimes it feels like yesterday. I still wish everyday that time could be turned back and you were still here living your…

Well, you’re still on my mind everyday. The best bits , the bad bits and everything in-between. I remember the way you used to do that side eye look,  your lips pressed together in a thin line. You’d do that look at strangers when we were out and about. You also did it when you…

Just a mini post. I need to make some serious changes. The list is very long but all necessary. I had the little moments that I’d booked for myself, my facial and getting waxed. I’ve also been putting serious thought into financial matters, and I definitely need to raise my game if I’m going to…

So I bought two project books , one I’m going to use on a personal level , trying to take better care of myself. The other I’m using on a professional level , I need a plan moving forward. Writing it down makes me feel like I might actually be able to control some elements…

Hey Nige , My head is swimming, has been since I had my counselling appointment. I feel like I need to get everything out. I know if I do it won’t put you or I in the best light, but I’m hurting so much I need a release. If I did write about it ,…

This week I’ve full on eaten my feelings, I seriously need to rein it in. I’m out of control. My spending is on another level as well. This week I’ve spent £220 on skincare, £116 on lounge wear to put on at home and £80 on 2 silk pillowcases. I can’t quite explain it but…

Hey , Sorry I was pissed off , I still love you an immeasurable amount. Had my counselling session , the lady was really lovely but it wasn’t a magic wand , not that I thought it would be. I talked about you , me , events , my weaknesses,  your weaknesses. Some hard truths…

Alright, half past midnight and wide awake Nige. Sometimes I get so fucking angry with you, angry about the shitty things you did , angry that this is the way life is now. Angry that you couldn’t fucking cross a road. I get so close sometimes to just laying everything bare, saying a massive fuck…

Evening , The nights are starting to draw in now handsome. So , I’ve got my first counselling session next week , I hope it helps , if just a little bit. I’ve really lost all direction,  I need things to feel a little better , but I don’t know where to start. I know…

Hi Nige, I’ve taken quite a bit of time writing this. When I’ve become emotional during writing this I’ve stopped and continued later. I really don’t know why I’m in such a mess sixteen months after you passed away. I don’t know why it still feels as intense as it did the first day. I…