Hi Handsome,

What a roller coaster week it’s been. So I had a memorial tattoo done for you and M has done an amazing job. Some of your handwriting is at the side, it’s beautiful, I hope you like it. I still just take one day at a time , I’m still in quite a bit of disbelief to be honest. I’m scared that life will always feel like this from now on , I’m scared this ache, this emptiness will just go on and on. No-one else will ever be able to take your place. I think once in a lifetime if you’re lucky you meet someone and you just click, you’re the same and you connect. I loved that we didn’t judge each other, and we both knew we could tell each other anything. The tattoo brought me a little bit of comfort but there have also been so many tears. My head is fucked, i was told to keep stuff about you to myself , but I need an outlet , when one of us needed to talk we were there for each other, there’s no-one i can talk to now you’re gone. It’s not that I don’t have sympathy for other people and how they’re feeling , but I’m alone and overwhelmed. Remember the other year at mine you saw some old photos of me way back in the day when I lived by your nan’s ? You said you remembered me from then , maybe we were always supposed to be in each others lives. I’m trying to space the meds out they make me tired so I can barely function. The doctor thinks I’m having a breakdown, but all they do with every telephone appointment is add another tablet to the mix. I haven’t gone to the first two days of Tramlines, it just wouldn’t be the same without your texts and calls, snatched moments. How is life ever going to feel right again now you’re gone?

I love you and I miss you now and always

Girl -Almighty