Not at the end of the month just yet , but you know po-tay-to, po-ta-to. Old habits die hard , the healthy eating has been more miss than hit for the last couple of weeks. March 2023 I was so on it and by the start of May I was two and a half stone…

Hi, survived Monday and I didn’t eat my feelings, so that at least is progress. I didn’t people at all and that’s OK. There was plenty of tears and shit , but then he makes me cry lots anyway. There are still quite a few things I haven’t felt able to write to about yet.…

Hello Handsome, Yesterday was a lot , spent a chunk of it in bed being a mardy arse. Thinking of you , lots and lots of snotty crying and later on a few drinks. Looking at your pictures thinking what an handsome bastard you were. You could be a cheeky fucker , but oh so…

Eight days into the month , and it feels like I’m on high alert for the 11th to arrive. I’m not a big drinker now , but alcohol will definitely be involved on Monday. Every day since he died has been horrible, but it’s the marker isn’t it , three years. The thought of it…

Afternoon Handsome, so it’s almost here , the three year mark. Three years and it hurts just as much as it did then. It doesn’t go away , you’re always in my thoughts. Life can be very unjust sometimes. I’m a silly bitch , so much crying,  especially recently. It would be heaven to be…

End of the month update. Still working hard on the diet , I’m blind weighing at the moment, it just takes the pressure off not thinking about a number. I know as long as i stick to eating well, the extra weight will come off. I’m planning to see where I’m at when the end…

Felt sick as a dog today , another migraine, vomiting,  the whole shebang. I really need to double down my efforts to get healthy and take better care of myself. The postdrome stage seems to be starting again now, so I’m feeling a bit wiped out and really tired, my body needs some rest. I’m…

Nige, so the whole me  thinking about you decaying in your grave thing can be a normal part of grief apparently, who knew ? Did a trusty google search and below is some of the stuff that came up. Maybe I’m not losing my marbles just yet, although today, while reading them again , I’ve…

Nige today is hard. Been reading your messages , listening to your voice , looking at the pictures you’d send. I had a bad dream about you last night, in it you were in so much pain and I couldn’t help you. I look at your pictures and it’s crazy to think you’re no longer…

Hello beautiful boy, it’s 01:40 and I can’t sleep. It’s one of those nights where things are just playing over and over in my mind. Memories of you, God I miss you. I long to be held , but only by you, and I know that will never happen again, and the loneliness feels suffocating…