Not at the end of the month just yet , but you know po-tay-to, po-ta-to. Old habits die hard , the healthy eating has been more miss than hit for the last couple of weeks. March 2023 I was so on it and by the start of May I was two and a half stone down. Then Nigel died and I completely lost my focus. Eating for comfort resulted in the two and a half stone going  back on and more on top. Now in a way,  I rue the missed opportunity to have got down to a healthy weight, when I was doing so well. I’ve never had that drive since. If I’m truthful, I just don’t feel like I can effect any positive changes in my life , even though I desperately want to.

It’s so easy to think “fuck it” , and give up. I’m hoping to find some motivation,  the things I’ve tried so far haven’t worked and I get so frustrated with myself.

I had another dream about Nige the other night , oh how I miss him. I look at his pictures , listen to his voice and it brings me to my knees every time. There isn’t anyone I can talk to about him, my family hated him as much as his family hate me. What a fucking mess he left me with. It was the thing  I was scared of the most , something bad happening and the situation I’m now in becoming a reality. Nigel would brush my fears to one side , told me not to be daft , he said nothing would happen. I’ve seen too many bad things happen to too many people with no rhyme or reason. Life can change in seconds. There are still times I’m so angry with him , and then I feel bad for being angry with him. It’s all so fucked up. I’m going to have an hour with my book and have some food, meal for one dot com. See you later.

Girl Almighty