Eight days into the month , and it feels like I’m on high alert for the 11th to arrive. I’m not a big drinker now , but alcohol will definitely be involved on Monday. Every day since he died has been horrible, but it’s the marker isn’t it , three years. The thought of it…

Afternoon Handsome, so it’s almost here , the three year mark. Three years and it hurts just as much as it did then. It doesn’t go away , you’re always in my thoughts. Life can be very unjust sometimes. I’m a silly bitch , so much crying,  especially recently. It would be heaven to be…

End of the month update. Still working hard on the diet , I’m blind weighing at the moment, it just takes the pressure off not thinking about a number. I know as long as i stick to eating well, the extra weight will come off. I’m planning to see where I’m at when the end…

Felt sick as a dog today , another migraine, vomiting,  the whole shebang. I really need to double down my efforts to get healthy and take better care of myself. The postdrome stage seems to be starting again now, so I’m feeling a bit wiped out and really tired, my body needs some rest. I’m…

Nige, so the whole me  thinking about you decaying in your grave thing can be a normal part of grief apparently, who knew ? Did a trusty google search and below is some of the stuff that came up. Maybe I’m not losing my marbles just yet, although today, while reading them again , I’ve…

Nige today is hard. Been reading your messages , listening to your voice , looking at the pictures you’d send. I had a bad dream about you last night, in it you were in so much pain and I couldn’t help you. I look at your pictures and it’s crazy to think you’re no longer…

Hello beautiful boy, it’s 01:40 and I can’t sleep. It’s one of those nights where things are just playing over and over in my mind. Memories of you, God I miss you. I long to be held , but only by you, and I know that will never happen again, and the loneliness feels suffocating…

A little bit of progress this month but not masses. It’s been a bit wobbly this month . My shopping compulsion has been off the flipping scale lately , that’s the main thing that I really need to concentrate on at the moment. I’m still pushing ahead with trying to make April and May no…

Hey, the excessive shopping has been off the scale this week. I don’t need one single thing that I’ve bought, I’m just doing it to feel good. I need to get an handle on it, I’m going to try and have April and May as no non essential spending months. The thing is buying stuff…

Hey, so today trying to stop procrastinating and actually take some steps forward. I think it’s evident that I need to take action and initiate a little bit of a fresh start. Give my life a bit of a shake up , find a better way of living. There’s a lot to do , so…