Hello you, here we are , well into July, the year is going by quickly. It’s Tramlines this coming weekend, the fourth one you haven’t been here for. It sounds like such a long time that you’ve been gone, when you put it in those terms. Why does it still really hurt though if it really has been a long time. When I can sometimes kid myself that you’re still here, surely it can’t be that long.

I still feel stuck, but I continue to try and turn myself around. Get healthy, get out into the world a little bit. My new fitbit is really spurring me on to do more walking. I’m more than grateful for the little wins. Life has changed so much since you left this world. I know that you know all the things I miss so much about you.

It’s your 50th soon , I bet you would look as handsome as ever. God I miss you so much. Life won’t ever be the same now , it never could be. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve missed your hugs, your touch, your kisses. How many times I’ve missed talking and laughing with you, hearing you sing along to songs. How many times I’ve missed your smile.

My vest top is all soggy with tears now , bloody hell. I wish I could remember you and just smile and be happy but I just can’t manage it , the tears are always there. I never thought grief this intense could exist for this long.

I’ll speak to you later, you’re always in my thoughts, you know that.

Love ❤️💙

Girl Almighty