Hi Big Lad

Well here we are at the start of another new month without you. I cry myself hollow over you every single day without exception. You’re death has completely shattered me, it’s hit so very hard. I know there’s all those old clichés, you know the ones, it’ll get better in time, it’ll get easier etc. I’m starting to think that’s all bullshit because to be honest it’s not getting easier or better. It’s been a smudge over five months since I last went into work, I just can’t pull myself together enough to make that step. I’m not only struggling mentally but physically as well, constant headaches and my stomach is always in knots. Oh how I wish it were butterflies again the way it used to be. I wish I could have held your hand , if only for a few seconds and told you how much I love you just one last time. Even the time between the accident and finding out you’d gone was better than this. Of course it was hard , alone at home not knowing what was happening, but at least there was a little bit of hope. Now there is nothing except this unbearable ache that never goes away . You are the first thing in the morning and the last thing at night. How can anyone live with this ? It’s harder than I could ever have imagined. I’m lost knowing you’ve gone. I love you , I hope you know how much. 💔

Girl Almighty