Hi Nige,

Now seems the right time to write this to you. I think your eldest son has stopped reading my blog posts and I haven’t had a message from him since the beginning of June , which is a relief to be honest. Don’t get me wrong, I get why he hates me and why he came at me , but I’m glad it’s stopped. Now I feel more able to be completely open. These last five months I’ve thought a lot about you and I, from us first meeting online to what would be the end. It’s crazy all the little things I still remember, and that I hope I’ll never forget about us. There were ups and downs during the twelve years of course, but we were always drawn back to each other. I remember the first time we met in person at the Red Lion, you were so lovely and you looked so handsome. I remember how crap it was when I found out you’d lied when you told me you were separated and getting divorced. I forgave you though because by that point I’d completely fallen for you, also it was a really difficult time and you were a link to our baby. We both struggled with the fact that you were married. How many times did I tell you to talk to her and sort your marriage out ? How many times did I say you should be with just her ? It was a fair few wasn’t it ? You’d say you couldn’t talk to her about a lot of things. Despite what people may think I never asked you to leave your family, I never asked you if you were going to leave your family and I never asked when you were going to leave your family. I accepted my position because I love you and I always will. You’d say to me that you wished you met me years ago when we were both a lot younger, I wish that too babe. You’d say you’d never met anyone like me before and you referred to me as your little belter. When everything came out in March 2021 I knew that you two wouldn’t split up. What I did hope was that you’d hate me and you’d work on your marriage together. We’d be over for good and I wouldn’t be feeling guilty about being with another woman’s husband. It didn’t quite work out like that did it ? During that time I spoke to you both separately, and during conversations you both at one point individually listed the things you’d lose if you were to separate. Neither of you mentioned the other, you didn’t say her and she didn’t say you , that was telling. You were petrified that your sons would never speak to you or have anything to do with you ever again. You said they would never forgive you and that they would never accept you being with anyone else. You both said you didn’t want to lose the house. I know some people will think people wouldn’t stay with someone for that reason , but people do it all the time. Also you wanted to portray a certain kind of image. You said you could really be yourself when we spent time together. When you turned up at mine after all that happened, even after I’d blown the whistle, even though she’d told me terrible things about you, I think it became really clear that we were never going to just walk away from each other. I’ve got to say though the tale you spun her about me blackmailing you to see me was laughable, but you once told me, when she’d seen messages between us years ago, that she’d believe anything you told her and you weren’t lying. Your son seems to think that people belong to other people. You were involved with me because you wanted to be, you were always the one in control. There are things I will never share with anyone else about us , that I promise. I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there for you at the end , I hope you know how much I loved you then , how much I love you now and how much I will always love you. Life will never be the same , but you will always have my heart. You were once in a lifetime. It’s a lonely old world, it really is. Your son questioned why you would talk to me , but you talked to me about so many things and people including him. I’m grateful you felt you could talk to me and open up to me. People will say I’m lying , but we both know it’s the truth. I only wanted two things for you , and they were that you were happy and you felt loved.

I love you with all my heart and always will❤💔

Girl Almighty