Evening Nige,

Well it’s been a while but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about you. You’re in my thoughts every single day. It still completely breaks me that you’re not here anymore. I still can’t believe what’s happened, it seems so unreal still.

I bloody miss you so much you know. I feel like I’m fading away day by day , everything has lost all meaning now.

Around the time it all happened I was told rumours and speculation about why what happened, happened. I try not to think about it , because it drives me mad. I wish this was a nightmare I could wake up from , but it’s not. You’re really gone. Sometimes when you were down you’d say you couldn’t live the next twenty years or so the way you were, I don’t think I can live with you not here. It’s fucking torture. All I long to do is rest my head on your chest and feel your arms around me. That’s never going to happen again and I can’t tolerate that.

Your passing has changed me , and I know I’ll never be the same again. If the rumours and speculation about your accident are true I hate , and I in turn hate what I’ve become.

I’m angry that people you told me didn’t care about you got a goodbye, I’m angry your son threw them in my face. Was it really so wrong that I was always there for you when you needed me. It must be a lovely view for them up on the moral high ground.

The title of this post is taken from the Anne Tyler novel, it must be telling that I’m rereading that and The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath , I can relate to both.

There’s a million more things i want to say , but for tonight I’m signing off. Goodnight Handsome, you’ll always have my heart ❤ 💔

Girl Almighty xx