Hi Nige

Well tomorrow it will be six whole months since you passed. I can still remember those days so clearly,  the days between the accident and finding out you’d gone. The days of endless tears and fear and trying to make stupid deals with a God I’m not sure i believe in. Just hoping and praying you’d pull through. It wasn’t to be though was it ?

Six months doesn’t sound like such a long time but it’s half a year , I look at your picture and I still can’t believe you’re no longer here. You were a good man , you had your flaws , but who doesn’t for fucks sake.

I miss you so much , and I miss the physical closeness , I won’t have that again. I’m getting close to the weight I’d get to when you’d tell me not to lose anymore weight. You admitted it was because you didn’t want me to meet anyone else , you daft bugger. I’m doing loads of stuff in a desperate attempt to just feel a little better. Mad isn’t it ?

I’m back to thinking if I change myself physically I’ll feel better, and I’m not doing it to meet anyone new or anything . Lots of my goals have lost meaning . I lived to please you and now I’ve lost all purpose.

I’ve been having some mad dreams, they’re so vivid. I crave the feeling of safety you brought. I would just really like to feel some peace. It upsets me thinking of the things you’re going miss , it shouldn’t be like this. I wish you could have been saved.

I deserved every bit of your son’s anger , but I only ever wanted you to be happy. I only ever wanted to spend every day of my life trying to make every day of yours amazing.

You are front and centre everyday

I love you

Girl Almighty