Evening Nige

Where do I even start ? So many thoughts are in my head but when I try and write them down it’s all just a jumble. You’d think my feelings and emotions about you would have settled a little by now, but it feels like I’m wading in treacle. I still cry over you every day , your loss still feels enormous, I can’t walk around it , I can’t climb over it and I can’t push through it. I’m stuck in this feeling,  this pain, I’m scared that life will only be this now. So many what ifs, so many regrets, so much thinking about possibilities that break my heart. Your death has really broken me , my heart , my spirit,  my hope. I’ve had to put the bag with your things in away , it hurts so much to see it. All that’s left are memories,  and they aren’t enough, not enough to keep the overwhelming sadness at bay , not enough to stop the tears. I waited a long time to meet you , I wish I’d had longer with you. You made my life better , you understood. All I wanted was to make you happy and be there when you needed me. I hope you know how much I love you, you were everything I ever dreamt of you know , and for a short period of my life I was truly happy, thank you. I’m not sure how to keep going now you’re gone and to be honest there have been times in these last ten months I haven’t wanted to. The pain is really too much sometimes. There will never be words that feel adequate enough to explain how special you were to me , how loved you were and still are, how I feel about you. I feel like a broken record , stuck in this feeling. I don’t know what to try next to try and make myself feel a little better, nothing seems to work. It hurts , you tried to stay, you must have with the gap between the accident and you passing. Sleep peacefully handsome , I love you more than I could ever put into words , and miss you just as much. Always and forever xx

Girl Almighty