I’m finally going to talk about the elephant in the room, the elephant being mental health. Yes progress has been made , but there is still so much ignorance surrounding the subject. The sad fact is that we as people love to judge. Personally I’ve had ups and downs with my mental health for as long as I can remember. Different things can trigger a decline and this past year, I think, has by far been my worst. I’m desperately trying to get on top of things. Desperately trying to conquer the ways in which my emotions manifest themselves,  it’s really overwhelming and I struggle to make progress. Poor mental health can feel extremely isolating , even though I’ve made the decision to write about it, it’s very hard to find the right words. I know they’ll be people who simply won’t understand and will look down on me. Today I’m feeling so anxious it feels like I could vomit my insides up. I’ve tried talking to people I know but they don’t get it. For a short time I felt I had an ally, someone, who it felt like understood that I’m a mass of insecurities. They in turn shared their insecurities with me.That never made me feel judged , a person who was always there with an offer of help. Someone who really made me feel that I could change things , live a better life. Today it feels like I’m sinking in quicksand, it feels like I can’t get on for trying. I’m running just to stand still , it’s frustrating because I don’t want this life anymore,  I need something better. It just feels so out of reach and unattainable. I’m ashamed and I feel like a failure . Why can’t I just pull my socks up ? Why can’t I just sort myself out ? Over time counsellors have put forward pieces from my past that they say have contributed to my now , but I don’t want to dwell on the dark , distant past. After all I can’t change any of it. I suppose I just want people , if they have a friend or family member  who is struggling , to just be a little bit understanding,  show a little bit of support,  don’t judge, don’t be disgusted , don’t label them, don’t look down on them. Just be there , it’s surprising what a difference it can make

Girl Almighty (although I’m most definitely not feeling mighty today)