Hi Nige,

Saturday was a very hard day. My emotions felt super heightened,  and I was extremely emotional. There was an ocean of tears cried. The pain of your death is constantly there, but sometimes it builds and builds into a tsunami of feelings. I’m glad I’ve taken a little time for my emotions to settle before writing this latest blog post. Since you died I’ve been seen as fair game to some. Insults about my appearance,  although for the record that’s a clichéd and lazy way to insult somebody. Remember if I was having a wobble and feeling self conscious,  you’d reassure me. I’ll always remember the time you pulled the covers back and kissed every inch of me , you said you loved me just the way I was. You really were the most beautiful man I’ve ever known. Nobody will ever take those moments away, they may not like them but they will never change them. Not having any last moments with you is still so very hard, maybe that’s why sometimes it still doesn’t feel real. Honestly though, if one more person says the word ‘closure’ to me I think I’ll scream. I don’t know if your son still reads the blog posts , I’d like to think he’s long stopped,  because honestly I don’t know whatever he was ever hoping to get from reading about you and I. My love for you is unconditional,  always was , always will be. I let my guard down and I let you in completely,  which wasn’t an easy thing for me to do , but in spite of everything I’m glad I did. I know how lucky I was that you were a part of my life, it just feels so very cruel that your life ended long before it should have. Everyday you’re right there , in my heart and in my head. It makes me cry how much I miss you and how much I wish you were still here. I’d give anything and everything for one of your hugs that would make everything better. That’s never going to happen again though,  and the tears just keep on coming.

I loves you I do , with all my heart, I wish you could stop this loneliness  😢💔

Girl Almighty