Alright , so Tuesday made it 18 months ago since the wheels started to fall off, and a week on Monday will be 18 months since you left. Eighteen months already and yet sometimes it feels like yesterday. I still wish everyday that time could be turned back and you were still here living your life. When you’re young you think 46 is ancient , but it isn’t,  with how long people are living nowadays it’s only about half a lifetime. At 46 your still young enough to have hopes  and dreams and aspirations. It does my head in that in just a few moments events would happen that would cut your life woefully short. When we talked sometimes you’d talk about growing old , but you never will grow old and knowing that hurts so much. It still feels surreal that you’re not out there living your life, I don’t think that feeling will ever totally go away.

I still haven’t found a way of living knowing I’ll never see you again , never have another conversation with you. Knowing you’re not living your life , doing the little things that brought you happiness, well it’s bloody hard.

Sometimes when I’m laid in bed trying to sleep thoughts pop into my head. Thoughts of you when the accident happened,  every imaginable thing, and crumbling just at the thought of you , frightened,  in pain,  I can’t bear it.

I need to take a little break big un,  so I’ll talk to you later. Love you always,  speak soon xx💔❤💙

Girl Almighty