Well big bear, I’m a bit pissed,  I needed to smooth out the edges a little bit. I’ve been allowing myself little daydreams lately, been thinking about my forever home. Of course you would have been here to see it , to spend time in it with me. Don’t get me wrong I know we were never going to be properly together,  but as I’ve said before I accepted that, love can do that to you.

The diet has gone a bit wrong, I’ve been eating everything in sight lately. Ffs , I need to get a hold of myself. I’ve also developed a bit of an addiction to buying loungewear. In my daydreams I’ve lost all my lard and I look fabulous in my beautiful home. Effortlessly amazing in my loungewear , haha as if. I am trying to lose the weight and I’m planning having some work done. You not wanting me to lose weight was purely about control , I always knew that , and it was confirmed for me when you saw a picture of  me at 8 stone and you told me how nice I looked on it.

I’ll be honest babe I’m struggling with the fact that I’ll never be physically close to anyone again. It’s proper fucked up , I miss the intimacy. Who wouldn’t ?

I’ve always had insults about the way I look , and long to completely change my appearance. Would it really make me happy ? I don’t know , I’d like to think it will. Fuck it , what do I have to lose?

Love you

Girl Almighty