Hello, it’s been a while,  but it’s been a full on few weeks. The month began with another biopsy ,and was followed by being told I have PTSD. I haven’t forgotten about you though, I never could , you’re always in my thoughts. It’s Saturday night and even now I still think at this time on Saturday 29th April 2023 , you were still here , everything was still alright. I think about my memories of you and of us and then I think of the reports at the time , “pedestrian in collision with a car” , man in his 40’s taken to hospital with life threatening head injuries “. It shouldn’t even be possible that the beautiful man in my memories and the person in the articles are the same person. It was possible though , it was you. I have nightmares about you being hurt, about the red phone in resus ringing for you, about your name coming up on the whiteboard.

Sometimes I kid myself for a few short minutes that my phone could still ping with a text from you , that my phone could ring and it will be your name lit up on the screen. A knock at my door and it will be you standing there. And then it hits all over again , that’s never going to happen and that horrible suffocating feeling creeps up from my stomach , into my chest then my throat.

I can’t believe in just a few short months it will be two years since you left. So many little things make me think of you still. I feel like I’ve completely lost my way, I remember but it still makes me cry. It just won’t stop hurting big un’.

I’m sending you a massive squidge , love you so much trouble.

Girl Almighty xx