It feels like there’s quite a lot going on at the moment,  it’s been quite  the emotional rollercoaster this past week. I’ve had a few pieces of positive news,  which is good. I also had a clear out and gave up my storage unit. As stupid as it sounds I found letting go of some of the stuff really hard. Physical items that were attached to memories I don’t want to forget. In a way I suppose I’m scared that I’ll forget those memories without the physical reminders. I know that’s ridiculous,  but it’s how I feel sometimes.

I’ve also really been thinking a lot about just how much I’ve fucked everything up. Despite what people may think I am truly sorry for the hurt that was caused. I should have walked away, so many times I should have walked away. Sometimes it’s hard to cut the ties that bind, and as pathetic as it is, I could never say no to him , I could never stay mad at him. Sometimes caring for someone makes you do really foolish things.

I totally understand all the hate, and in a way I hope it’s giving them something positive,  because it would seem like a waste of energy if nobody was benefitting from it. You know occasionally,  for just a split second, I wish I’d never met him, but deep down I know that’s not true. I loved the feeling of happiness he brought with him. So here I am , still muddling through, still fucking it up in spectacular fashion.

Girl Almighty