I can’t believe we’re already in July. I’m treading water with my diet at the moment,  not gaining,  not losing , just staying the same. It’s my birthday in a month and while I’m planning to take myself off and do a few things , it will be very low key. Treating myself at the end of the month with a long overdue trip to the hairdressers and after a few months of not getting them done , I’m having my nails done again. Might have a few other treatments,  a bit of self care might do me some good.

Recently at counselling we broached the subject of sex. The truth is I do massively miss sex with him , and I’ve felt guilty for feeling that way , but I’ve been told that it’s natural to miss that element along with all the other aspects that I miss. It’s not just the act of sex itself that I miss , it’s the build up before, and that warm satisfied feeling afterwards. That whole package of intimacy and connection in the most physical sense. It feels like a very big thing to think that I’ll not experience that again. I felt very in tune with him , it was extremely easy to be myself with him. We were both very relaxed around each other , and I think that’s really quite rare , to be able to open up to another person and feel confident that the other person understands you.

Over the last couple of years I’ve tried to find substitutions to make myself feel a little better, but nothing has really done the trick yet. I think at the moment the best thing I can try and do is keep working towards improving my physical and mental wellbeing, but sometimes it would be lovely to just share some time with another adult. Just for a walk , a chat , some food , just boost the serotonin levels a bit. Eat a bag of chips in the sunshine and talk to someone.

I’m going to redecorate , I’d like a really calm and relaxing space to be in. I just wish he were still here to spend a little time sometimes in it with me.

Girl Almighty