So , here I am to unburden myself, it isn’t about disrespecting you , I need to get things off my chest for myself.

Sometimes I do wish I’d not become caught in your web. I was drawn in by your charm and your lies , and by the time all became clear I’d fallen hard for you.

I never had any desire to change you , I don’t believe anyone can change another person. Even though I was aware of your flaws I chose to let you in because I did fall totally in love with you , good and bad. If I pulled you on your bad behaviour you’d call me a psycho, if I told you to talk to your wife about things on your mind , things you needed , the way you felt , you’d say you couldn’t talk to her. You desperately wanted people to think well of you , you wanted to impress the people in the area with your house and your car, you needed to be seen as good man. At the end of the day you carefully cultivated an image but underneath , as much as you could be loving and gentle and kind , you could also be selfish, devious and manipulative.

Yet I still mourn you and cry for you every single day, I still miss you enormously. It wasn’t all bad bits , there were so many bloody brilliant bits as well. After all , isn’t love accepting someone entirely , the good , the bad and everything in-between. I was your lover , your friend , your confessor. I’m desperately lonely now you’re gone and there is no solution for that. I don’t imagine I’ll follow your lead in attempting to combat my loneliness. When you confessed the lengths you’d gone to combat your own loneliness I felt pity for you , and that was a horrible feeling. You said it had left you disappointed, you hadn’t gotten what you thought you would from it. I don’t know what you expected, did you think she’d care about your woes , to her you were just a business transaction,  nothing more , nothing less. I think maybe you were fully aware then that it had never just been sex that you needed , it was much more than that.

I think of all the things I’ve lost from loving you and I get so angry with myself. Stripped of so much , and  left only  with my losses and the weight of your secrets. Still I hold you in my heart , bloody fool that I am.

Love

Girl Almighty