Well, I hit 5-0 last weekend, it was very low key. Just went for lunch at the pub with John, one of my sisters and my mum. It’ll be your birthday soon , your 49th. It’s mad to think when we first started I was 35 and you were 34 , it feels like a lifetime ago, and I still wish I could turn the clock back and do it all again, with a different ending of course. You’re still always in my thoughts,  this past few days have been one of those ‘why’ moments. Why hadn’t those few seconds , few minutes just gone differently Nige ? You silly fucker , why didn’t you get your arse across the road safely ? Such a short space of time that changed so much. Random little memories have just been popping into my head. For instance I thought about Wednesday playing today , and I remembered you sitting in mine with a blue and white bracelet on made out of loom bands. The other day I saw the pre mixed cans of gin in a shop and it reminded me of our indoor picnics. All the silly little things that once made me smile but now make me cry.

I miss every single part of you, the hugs , the talks, the sex , the way you made everything just feel better. The weather has been glorious today , days like this make me sad that you’re no longer here to enjoy them. We used to talk about getting older , but now you never will, and that breaks me . You should have had so much more time.

Big love , big lad , I love you so much

Girl Almighty