I’m starting a major reset , I’m breaking it down into one month at a time. The main aims this month are to lose 7lbs , earn more money and spend less money.

I’ve got a new planner so I can map everything out, each task broken down into manageable steps. The aim is to be the best version of myself that I can be. To feel a real purpose and to feel settled and secure. My grief for Nige is still very present and I accept that it will never go away. I still lay in bed every night and have a cry about him and I still really , really miss him , much more than I could ever articulate in words. I’m still without anyone that I could really talk to  about him, somebody who would understand. I really don’t like some of the things he left me with , and I really wish he had never told me about the whole paying for an escort thing. His voice that pops into my head telling me not to lose weight,  none of that was great. I wish I could ask him now what he would have done differently given the chance. I still feel angry with him sometimes, but the worst is that he’s gone. He had such a short time , that does my head in daily.

I’d just like to be happy , is that possible?  I don’t know. I’d like to be enveloped in a big hug and just be. Changing things up feels like a mammoth task , hence the steps. The main step this month is the weight , seven pounds is doable,  so with a bit of work I’ll reach that mini goal. If I could make a dent in my weight for summer that would be really good. Just to feel a bit healthier and fitter. I’ve got a big week in July , Teddy Swims gig, then Tramlines straight after , and I’d like to feel better for that. I’d like to feel more energetic and get back to exercising. Who knows maybe I could beat my previous best and squat more than 115kg.

The journey starts here.

Girl Almighty