Evening , So Nige, I’ve been trying to formulate a plan to improve every aspect of my life. There are so many changes I need to make and tasks I need to do , I’ve decided to break it right down into stages. Hopefully I’ll reach a point when everything feels a little more together…

Hi Nige , just a quickie. Next week it will be 14 years since our first date. I wish I could go back and fall for you all over again and feel the happiness you brought. I’d even do the shit bits again just to have you still here. I need a hug. I’m gonna…

Hello, it’s been a while,  but it’s been a full on few weeks. The month began with another biopsy ,and was followed by being told I have PTSD. I haven’t forgotten about you though, I never could , you’re always in my thoughts. It’s Saturday night and even now I still think at this time…

Hey, very weepy day today, tomorrow it will be 20 months since the accident,  and in a few short days a brand new year will begin. I feel really frightened today, some days are like that , scared that nothing will ever feel alright again. Scared that I’ll never have the feeling that everything will…

Evening Nige . Happy Christmas Handsome. I’m sorry I didn’t write earlier,  i’ve been  asleep in bed much of the day. It’s that time of the year that really makes you think isn’t it ? I hope if there is anything after you feel peaceful and happy. Sometimes though I wish I could ask you…

Hi Nige , I can’t believe it’s almost Christmas,  it doesn’t feel like it at all. I’m channelling Rudolph though , I’ve copped for flu 🤧 . The aim at the moment is to try and relax , I spoke to someone  I know , and they think that the episodes of facial paralysis I’ve…

December already, how the hell has it come around so quick Nige ? It’s crazy to think this will be the second Christmas without you around. It makes me want to cry. The last few days I’ve just been holed up indoors , reading some cosy little books that don’t require too much thinking. One…

Hi Nige, why do I torment myself reading the news articles  about you that are  still online ? It’s so unreal that I think I need to do it sometimes to prove to myself that you’re  really gone. Really , really feeling it today,  I miss you so bloody much. Been listening to your voice…

Morning,  up at 5:30am and had the best bit of sleep I’ve had in a while , completely down to the alcohol and my medication I’m sure. I’ll take the little wins wherever I can. Going to have a little clear out later , so much stuff I don’t need anymore. Also I must try…

Well big bear, I’m a bit pissed,  I needed to smooth out the edges a little bit. I’ve been allowing myself little daydreams lately, been thinking about my forever home. Of course you would have been here to see it , to spend time in it with me. Don’t get me wrong I know we…