Hey Nige , My head is swimming, has been since I had my counselling appointment. I feel like I need to get everything out. I know if I do it won’t put you or I in the best light, but I’m hurting so much I need a release. If I did write about it ,…

This week I’ve full on eaten my feelings, I seriously need to rein it in. I’m out of control. My spending is on another level as well. This week I’ve spent £220 on skincare, £116 on lounge wear to put on at home and £80 on 2 silk pillowcases. I can’t quite explain it but…

Hey , Sorry I was pissed off , I still love you an immeasurable amount. Had my counselling session , the lady was really lovely but it wasn’t a magic wand , not that I thought it would be. I talked about you , me , events , my weaknesses,  your weaknesses. Some hard truths…

Alright, half past midnight and wide awake Nige. Sometimes I get so fucking angry with you, angry about the shitty things you did , angry that this is the way life is now. Angry that you couldn’t fucking cross a road. I get so close sometimes to just laying everything bare, saying a massive fuck…

Evening , The nights are starting to draw in now handsome. So , I’ve got my first counselling session next week , I hope it helps , if just a little bit. I’ve really lost all direction,  I need things to feel a little better , but I don’t know where to start. I know…

Hi Nige, I’ve taken quite a bit of time writing this. When I’ve become emotional during writing this I’ve stopped and continued later. I really don’t know why I’m in such a mess sixteen months after you passed away. I don’t know why it still feels as intense as it did the first day. I…

Hello Nige, So it was your birthday last Saturday,  you would have rocked being 48. You grew more handsome with every year that passed. It’s still so hard to believe that you’re gone. Sometimes it still doesn’t seem real. There are days when it feels especially hard not having anyone I can talk to about…

Oh Nige , I’m just having a moment. Today it’s sixteen months since the accident that would take you, and in two days it’s your birthday. Time marches on , I’m really missing you 😢.  It certainly doesn’t get any easier. The hole you’ve left behind  is huge, I’m lost. I love you 💔 Girl…

Hi Nige, Saturday was a very hard day. My emotions felt super heightened,  and I was extremely emotional. There was an ocean of tears cried. The pain of your death is constantly there, but sometimes it builds and builds into a tsunami of feelings. I’m glad I’ve taken a little time for my emotions to…

Hello Nige, It’ll be your birthday soon , the second one without you here. I’m still missing you massively,  I’m really struggling at the moment and you always made everything feel better. I just can’t get a grip lately,  there’s so much going on. I saw so many terrible things on A&E , but despite…