Hello gorgeous, been thinking about you loads , lots of thing’s make me think of you. Still making changes to myself , getting myself into a better place. I’m starting to put things in place to change job, to benefit more from working hard. I’m actually looking forward to getting started , it’ll take a little time , but they’re things worth waiting for. Even taking small steps everyday is so much better than standing still.

I remember you’d sometimes talk about your dreams and aspirations, I think it’s good for people to have a dream even if they don’t actually take any steps towards it. Dreams are full of hope , especially if there are aspects of your life that you’re unhappy with. It’d be nice to have someone to share my dreams with. I waited such a long, long time to meet someone like you , and then in what felt like a blink of an eye you’d gone. It’s hard not to be pissed off about it sometimes.

I could never have imagined that grief would endure like it has. It’s there everyday,  such sadness mixed with disbelief. I often wonder if you truly knew, when you were alive , just how much you’re loved. I really hope you did , I hope you felt it with every fibre of your being. That futile wishing is still there , wishing it had never happened. Wishing that life hadn’t put you in that place at that moment. I drive myself crazy dwelling on what if’s. The thought of you hurt and in pain kills me, and I don’t want to think about it but the thought pushes itself into my mind.

Your death has made so much feel unimportant,  life just seems to have lost a lot of meaning. This is me on strong antidepressants, so goodness knows how rubbish I’d feel without them. Lack of sleep leaves me constantly exhausted which doesn’t help. Still craving an ally , a hug , a comfortable silence where I feel calm. I fear all those things left with you. Today I feel defeated. I just really , really miss you.

All my love

Girl Almighty xx