Hello Handsome , so here we are , it’s almost Crimble and another year is almost ending. It’s absolutely insane that this will be the third Christmas you’ve missed. We were never going to have a Christmas day , sometimes in life you have to accept that life is  not going to go the way…

Hey Handsome , Couple of days away , but I’m glad to be home now. Feeling tired and a little emotional tonight. December already , this year has gone crazy fast, in no time it’ll be the New Year. Always missing you but tonight just feeling it a bit more, it’s sometimes like that, up…

After a long period of not taking very good care of myself,  now is the time to pull my socks up and change things up. I’ve really been feeling the effects of letting everything slide, so now I need to be at that point where I make improvements. We live in an age where people…

Two and a half years without Nige on this earth. I could never imagine how I would fall apart the way I have, how my heart could disintegrate the way it has. Everyday he’s in my thoughts , the size of the hole he left hasn’t diminished at all with time. You think the firsts…

Hello Nige, I’ve been thinking about the reasons I fell for you so hard, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it was the whole package of you. I felt like I could truly be myself with you, I could talk to you, I felt safe with you. You were an handsome bugger, you were…

I’ve been trying to get organised, map out a new path. I’ve been making lists and plans, it’s helpful getting it all written down. Changes that I need to make. I finally think some people have stopped reading my blog , they never took up my offer to ask whatever it was that they wanted…

Hey Trouble, Here we are , in October already, soon it will be two and half years since you passed away. Still it feels so unbelievable, it sounds like a long time, but I remember it like it was yesterday. Seeing your name come up , knowing from my experience on ED that it was…

Well Handsome, The day is starting to set on your 49th Birthday, the third one you’ve missed. Put in those terms it seems like you’ve been gone for such a very long time. You’re missed every single day without exception,  always reminders of you popping up. I’ve raised a glass (well a few) to you…

Been thinking about lots of stuff lately. Last week I saw my dream home, a real forever home ,whatever forever is. It was always one of my goals. Now I’m not sure I could leave where I am and all the memories it holds. I feel so unsettled, life feels uncertain and scary right now.…

Well, I hit 5-0 last weekend, it was very low key. Just went for lunch at the pub with John, one of my sisters and my mum. It’ll be your birthday soon , your 49th. It’s mad to think when we first started I was 35 and you were 34 , it feels like a…