Evening Handsome, so ten months today was the beginning of the end , and it must having been playing on my mind because I had a dream about you last night. You were stood in the middle of a field , the grass thick and a lovely green , you looked so happy. I was…

Alright Handsome , Where has all the time gone ? Thirteen years ago today we went on our first date, I remember it well. You were so easy to talk to , it wasn’t awkward or forced. That smile of yours , so disarming,  you bloody handsome bugger. I wish I could go back in…

Hey Nige, Wide awake again , conversations we had are just replaying over and over in my head. Memories of you swim before my eyes. How is it even possible for something to hurt this much ? Honestly , I never imagined anything could hurt this much. All sorts of stupid little things remind me…

Hi Darling, Been reading old diaries today , all those memories of you and me. I’m thinking of decorating my place , the way I spoke about it to you. You said it would look nice how I was planning to do it , you’ll never see it now though. In a way I don’t…

Hello Handsome, Today I’m really missing your physicality. I’d really love to rest my head on you and let you pull me in close. Just to feel the comfort of your presence, just let the feeling of calm wash over, all the shit of the day ebb away. I’ve got such a bad tension headache…

Alright Nige Got to the end of another week 🥺. I had to go somewhere earlier in the week and had to go past where your accident was. The sign is still up , “Serious Collision Occurred Here” , I wish someone would take it down. It’s so matter of fact , don’t people understand…

Hello Darling, This week I’ve been told I’m experiencing “prolonged grief”, apparently it can happen when someone passes suddenly , among other reasons. It’s Sunday evening and I’m just thinking of the times we’d talk on a Sunday , you’d ask me how my day had been and what I’d been up to. I miss…

Hi Nige,  I came across the term ‘grief fatigue ‘ the other day and I guess it sums up how I feel. I’m really tired of feeling so terrible all the time. All my emotions are jumbled up inside , I miss you , I can’t seem to come to terms with the fact you’ve…

Here we are , the start of another year. As you know I’ve never been one for resolutions, and even if I were I don’t think I’d bother to be honest. Plans last year all went to pot , it all went tits up didn’t it ? I tell you I’ve learnt that just when…

Hi Babe, We’re at that middle in between part where nobody knows what day it is. I’m dreading the New Year, I don’t want to start a new year , it feels like leaving you behind in 2023. On Christmas Day I went and had lunch with J , my sister and nephew. I drank…