Today marks 18 months of no you, 18 months of tears and sleepless nights. 18 months of disbelief and grief. 18 months of futile wishes and what if’s. 18 months of missing you. Life is scary and uncertain,  it’s nice to think you have an ally , to create those moments of calm, of bliss.…

Hey, so I’m sorry but I need to talk about the last couple of years of you. Things that hurt to think about but I can’t forget. When you turned up at my door after the big blow out that I really believed was the end of us for good. You told me things that…

Hi big bear, today has just been a bit of a lazy one. I did have a couple of hours of being kind of productive with regards to taking steps to a new career. I really should get sorted out in that respect. Sometimes I do think does any of it really matter, my dream…

Alright , so Tuesday made it 18 months ago since the wheels started to fall off, and a week on Monday will be 18 months since you left. Eighteen months already and yet sometimes it feels like yesterday. I still wish everyday that time could be turned back and you were still here living your…

Well, you’re still on my mind everyday. The best bits , the bad bits and everything in-between. I remember the way you used to do that side eye look,  your lips pressed together in a thin line. You’d do that look at strangers when we were out and about. You also did it when you…

Just a mini post. I need to make some serious changes. The list is very long but all necessary. I had the little moments that I’d booked for myself, my facial and getting waxed. I’ve also been putting serious thought into financial matters, and I definitely need to raise my game if I’m going to…

So I bought two project books , one I’m going to use on a personal level , trying to take better care of myself. The other I’m using on a professional level , I need a plan moving forward. Writing it down makes me feel like I might actually be able to control some elements…

Hey Nige , My head is swimming, has been since I had my counselling appointment. I feel like I need to get everything out. I know if I do it won’t put you or I in the best light, but I’m hurting so much I need a release. If I did write about it ,…

This week I’ve full on eaten my feelings, I seriously need to rein it in. I’m out of control. My spending is on another level as well. This week I’ve spent £220 on skincare, £116 on lounge wear to put on at home and £80 on 2 silk pillowcases. I can’t quite explain it but…

Hey , Sorry I was pissed off , I still love you an immeasurable amount. Had my counselling session , the lady was really lovely but it wasn’t a magic wand , not that I thought it would be. I talked about you , me , events , my weaknesses,  your weaknesses. Some hard truths…